My To-Do List No Longer Determines My Day’s Success

I need a new benchmark, and I think I’ve found it

It’s been a long day. I put my kids to bed, and sit down to assess what I’ve accomplished.

I go through the day’s to-do list and determine my successes and failures. Did I get enough done? Was my hard work recognized? Did I achieve more than I put off?

Maybe you’re the same. In fact, if you’re reading this, I’m guessing you probably do something similar, because I know most of us do.

In today’s fast-paced, get-it-done culture, where we define ourselves by what we do, it’s all too easy to measure the success of our days by how much we’ve accomplished.

The more I get done, the better my day was. The more external validation I received, the more I see the day as a success. It’s time we change our outdated thinking and create a new touchstone for determining the quality of our days.

My progress through my to-do list no longer will determine my day’s success.

Things left undone

I wear many hats throughout my days. I write here on Medium, and also on my blogs. I’m a mom of two young kids, as well as a wife and daughter. I work out, meal plan, do the laundry and try to keep the house in order.

Summer is right around the corner, which will shift my priorities slightly.

Through the years, my identities have changed and evolved, but one truth has remained: I’ve always been busy.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with this, of course. Staying busy serves me well and helps structure my days. Each of my hats serve a different purpose, and I’m grateful for them all.

The problem comes, instead, at the end of each day when it’s time to wind down and wrap up, and measure the success of the last 15 hours or so.

Instead of focusing on all I’d done right from dawn to dark, I’d find myself intent on fixating on what didn’t get done. My to-do list, and how it looked at the end of the day, became my barometer for the quality of the day.

Blog post didn’t get edited? Take away a point. Packages still not shipped? The tally goes lower still. Failed to make an appointment and run to the grocery store and fold laundry? Fail. Fail. Fail.

Just for variety, though, I don’t limit my losses just to what didn’t get done.

I also pay attention to how much external validation I received and compare it to what I was expecting. I reflect on Medium stats, blog income, Instagram likes, the state of my house…the list is fairly extensive, and absolutely exhausting.

A new standard

I know I’m not alone in this. I know many of us measure our success the same way. I’ve had conversations with some of you about this very thing and, while it feels good to know I’m not alone, I desired a new standard.

Because the truth is this: measuring our days by our to-do lists is soul crushing. It leads to unhappiness. Even on days when we feel as though we’ve done well, we know our victory is short-lived. The race starts all over again tomorrow.

It doesn’t feel good to measure the quality of life by what we do and fail to do. It’s an outdated standard. We’re made for so much more, which has led me to this point.

Going forward, let’s change the benchmark. Instead of measuring our success by what we did during the day, let’s measure our success by who we were during the day.

Let’s change the focus from a to-do list to a to-be list.

Measure what matters

Here’s where I’m going with this: what we do with our days is all well and good, but it’s who we are and how we approach the world and others that really matters.

Getting an errand done is great, but showing kindness to the slow cashier is even better. Making doctor appointments is good, but taking a moment to give encouragement to someone I see struggling is more important. Having a clean house is wonderful, but opening my doors and inviting over a friend who’s going through a tough time is more wonderful still.

How did I show kindness today? Did I connect with others openly and vulnerably? Was I helpful or hurtful to those I came in contact with?

This is the true gauge of a successful day. Not what we did but who wewere. Then, at the end of the day, you can measure what matters.

Sure it feels good to submit a piece of writing or clean your house, but it feels even better to carry out an act of kindness or love on someone who’s having a bad day. Our to-do list may be important, but it’s our to-be list that has the power to truly change our lives.

A new day

We spend so much time focusing on what we want to do in life, it’s time to pivot and concentrate on who we want to be.

So take a moment with me and decide what’s going on your to-be list. When people look at you, what do you want them to see?

Then, decide on small steps to help you live out your intentions. At the end of each day, look back and decide if you were the person you wanted to be. If so, notice how good it feels. A perfectly completed to-do list can’t even compete.

If not, don’t beat yourself up. Figure out what went wrong, make amends if possible, and recommit yourself to resume the work of being the best you.

Tomorrow, after all, is another day.