Writing Can Be Lonely, But it Doesn’t Have to Be

Writing can be a very lonely venture, can’t it?

I for one spend most of my time lately alone with my laptop, living in the virtual world of Medium and Facebook groups for writers, going back and forth from reading great stuff and writing things of my own.

It’s…isolating.

Even when I’m chatting back and forth with people online most of the day and tending to my daughter’s needs if she’s home.

When you are writing, you are in your own world, mining the things in your head to come out of your fingers, and no one can do this work but you, and you have to do it alone.

I don’t want to become a hermit, and I’m guessing you don’t either, so here are some things to try to make your writing journey a less lonely one:

Find (or Start!) a Writing Group

I found my writing group when I hosted a NaNoWriMo Write-In two years ago.

A bunch of people came to those meetups during the month, but three of us stuck together and we have been writing together most Sundays for the last almost two years now.

I love my little writing group because we hold each other accountable, always check in on each other with what we are working on, are there to critique each other’s work if we want, and, well, we make each other feel less alone.

When we gather together at a big table in Panera and really get spread out with notebooks and laptops and set up for hours, we are like:

Hello world, the writers are here!

And it makes me feel less like a freaky little hermit that sits in her den all day clicking away at her keyboard trying to ignore everyone else.

You know, like I am the other five or six days of the week.

Get a Writing Buddy

From my writing group came my writing buddy — actually my good friend Joanna, but she became my good friend because she started out my writing buddy.

On top of our Sunday get-togethers, Joanna and I meet up every Wednesday somewhere to write together, and the combination of a meal with a good friend and doing my most favorite thing in the world to do — write — is just delicious.

I mean, as a stay at home, homeschooling mom, it feels downright decadent to have this time of the week to go out and write with a friend, so there’s that, but there’s also a camaraderie around writing that is special from other friendships.

It’s lonely, right? And it’s rare to be understood as a writer, so when you find a person who you click with enough to keep showing up with every week for two years, take that opportunity.

There’s nothing like a friend who understands you and your writing, someone who you don’t hide your writing from, someone you can be totally vulnerable with.

It’s amazing. Go get one.

Try a Co-Working Space

Working from home as a writer is amazing — I hope I get to do it for the rest of my life — but even I get cabin fever and need to be around other people sometimes.

I also find that the longer I stay in the house, the more stagnant my writing gets, and I really do think that I work better and get more done when I am out of the house than when I am home, which is frustrating.

Anyway, if you’ve already entered that hermit stage and don’t have a writing group but you want to have a place to go and get to know some new people, try a co-working space.

I have belonged to two co-working spaces now, both very different, but what they had in common was a shared kitchenette and dining area where everyone got to know one another eventually, and I met some really cool people: web designers, entrepreneurs, coders, writers…all people who wanted to use the space to get out of the house and get work done.

Some might ask, what is the benefit of working at a co-working space that you have to pay for versus a coffee shop where you can go and write for free?

Well, people at a co-working space all know you’re there to work.

There’s a universal headphones on means do not disturb rule that may or may not be posted in some areas, and generally when you are working you’re less likely to be bothered than when you may go to your local coffee shop and run into people you know who want to talk to you.

Running into people who want to talk to you in coffee shops is the most horrible thing I can imagine happening during a good writing session, and for the most part co-working spaces eliminate that.

And you can bring your own coffee.

Head to the Library

When in doubt, if none of the above work out for you, head to your local library.

Stop at the information desk and ask if they have any information on writing groups for you. If they do, great, if they don’t, maybe it’s time to talk to that librarian about starting a writing group yourself — most libraries are happy to offer rooms for free for things like this and maybe would even help host and promote the group.

If you don’t want to be the group starter, just take a seat in the stacks and get to writing anyway.

You’re around your people.

People who love books and reading, and appreciate the fine art of what you are trying to do there.

Just write.

Take a little break to stretch and walk, and go find that place in the stacks where your book will fit on the shelf, and wiggle your finger in there just like I do every time I walk by.

I know that place by heart.

If we keep writing, lonely or not, it will be filled someday.