The need for closure – The Startup

We are always searching for closure in life. If we fail in an exam, we want to know the reasons for that. If we are fired from a job, we want to know what we did wrong. If you love someone and they just start ghosting you, you want to know whether there is something wrong with you (that is typically the first thing that comes to mind).

Sometimes when two people are involved in something but have different takes on the situation then in the end, one of the two can feel drifted apart for no apparent reason. This happens because two people went in for something with different expectations and personalities and coming out they want to deal with the situation in their own way.

I agree that this is correct in the perspective of the individuals but most often they tend to forget about the emotional needs of the other person involved. This is where the problem for closure arises. One person wants to discuss the situation and close the chapter and move on while the other tries to either ignore the other or pretend that it never happened.

The one who is left stranded is faced with a situation where there are only two options

Forget all that happened like the other person and try to move on and
Try to convince the other person to talk about it.

In both the situations the stranded person will be deteriorating his/her emotional health in search of closure either way. This can lead to the devastating scenario of the stranded person becoming less trusting and antisocial.

I was almost falling for a girl back in my home country. This was a few years back. I and her were working together in different departments of the same company. I will agree she was beautiful and smart but what she lacked in was maturity and empathy for others.

Most people will agree that alcohol acts as a great catalyst when you want things to get flowing. Even I used to believe that but my perspective was about to change forever. At a party, me and her getting drunk then going home together lead to the most emotionally turmoiled time of my life. Some things happened and lead to a following disastrous period.

When we came to our senses, we realised that whatever happened should not have happened at least this soon. But, we approached the problem with two completely different mindsets. I was trying to talk to her to discuss the place where her mindset was about this whole thing and close the chapter and move on with the life. But she had some other plans.

First of all I was ghosted by her for a week but since we worked in the same company this plan failed. Then she tried to act casually as if nothing happened. I could not bear with it. I had confessed about my feelings to her that night and she hadn’t expressed hers. So, in my mind I thought that I deserve to have a talk about it and get some closure so that I don’t keep clinging on to something that was never there and will never be there.

I was having a hard time trying to act casually. One more week passed with these shenanigans and my emotional state deteriorating by the day. My behaviour was evident of this. I was agitated and frustrated most of the days. I tried to pester her to talk and resolve the issue but the idea was discarded like you discard a rotten bread. Finally, a mutual friend had to intervene and got us alone to deal with the shit we were deeply involved in.

The talk didn’t lead to a relationship but it made it possible for me to continue with my life. I got to know about where I stand in her mind and what she expects from the friendship/camaraderie we had. I knew about where the boundaries are and beware of not crossing them. This is all I wanted from her from the start. The CLOSURE.

Some of you might be thinking this is very trivial, happens to them a lot or it is not worth writing about. I don’t condemn those people but this is a problem that needs to be talked about. People on both side of the warfare should know how to deal with a situation where there is necessity for closure.

More importantly for people who are trying to run away need to get the message across their minds that if you are not narcissistic then you should care about the feelings of others and give them a chance to move on by providing them the closure they deserve. It might be hard for you to do so but once you do this, it is guaranteed that both of your lives will be sorted and you can clearly focus on things that demand your attention.